Title: Lost inside of you Part 8/?
Rating: NC-17 overall, adult concepts, occasional language, M/M
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys, Martha/Tom, The Doctor 
Spoilers - TW anything is possible - via memories, inc DW
Summary: Sequel to Nowhere to hide. Sometimes I don't know where I end and he begins...
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters - just like to dabble with them from time to time
This is for wise_n_witty
Lost inside of You Part 8/?
“Come in...” Jack had the door open as the Doctor approached, “...felt you arrive...” he touched his temple, and grinned.
“Oh, very good!” the Doctor sent back, smiling.
“No coffee on yet, though, Ianto’s asleep...I can make you tea?”
“Tea’s good...is he ok?”
“Yea, he’s more than ok, just a bit tired...”
“Jack...what did you do?”
Jack blushed, looked sheepish and endearingly soppy all at the same time.
“I took him to Nirvana...”
“Nirvana? You mean..?” the Doctor raised his eyebrows questioningly.
“Yea!” he grinned and spoke aloud, “...it was everything and more than I’d hoped, but I have to say my mental capacities are little drained this morning!”
The Doctor looked at him closely, scrutinising his face, noting the still kiss-swollen lips and the contented glow that radiated outwards, despite his shielding. He pulled Jack into a sudden hug, which the other man returned, surprised but pleased at the reaction. He’d been expecting a ticking off at the very least for putting Ianto under too much pressure too soon.
Releasing him, the Doctor wandered to the tiny kitchen area, shoving his hands in his pockets, his face thoughtful.
Jack followed and filled the kettle, pulling the UNIT mugs and teabags out of a cupboard. Leaning against the work surface the Doctor spoke softly “...so, he’s the one..?”
“Yea...” Jack’s voice was muffled and he kept his back towards the Timelord.
The Doctor smiled – he didn’t need to see Jack’s face to know that he was crying. He reached out towards the other man’s mind – a gentle touch that was welcomed as Jack lowered his shield.
“So, what was it like? ...not the details...just a general...you know...only I’ve never been...”
“Really?” Jack was surprised, “I thought...never mind...not my place...” Jack retreated swiftly, not wanting to upset his friend with any references to Rose. He concentrated on some of the images and feelings from the previous evening, making sure they were of ‘family friendly’ viewing rather than the adult channel!
The Doctor gasped aloud at the intensity of the emotion – it really was like an ‘eagle flying with a dove’ special... “I am so pleased for you Jack, truly I am...and for what it’s worth he is so right for you – he’s a very special young man in so many ways – I saw that in his head...” he paused, then continued wistfully, “I did hope to take Rose...but I could never bring myself to tell her – and then, well you know..the daleks, the crucible..Davros – you were there, Jack, you saw what it was like...and then...it was too late...” his voice broke and a single tear ran down his face.
Jack turned towards the Doctor, wrapping the Timelord into his arms, feeling him sag against him. He murmured nondescript words of comfort, knowing that nothing he could ever say would heal the hurt... The Doctor’s words were muffled, as he spoke into Jack’s shoulder, “...but at least she got her Doctor...I waited too long...but she was - still is – the one for me...” He sighed and pulled back from Jack’s embrace, patting him lightly on the arm in silent thanks. “That’s why I’m so pleased that you’ve got your man...that connection that only happens once in a lifetime – or in your case, Jack, several thousand lifetimes!”
The two men fell silent, each lost in their own thoughts.
Pouring the tea, Jack reached out gently towards Ianto’s mind, smiling softly as the Welshman stirred in his sleep, a contented smile curving the corners of his mouth. Jack pulled back, not wanting to wake him...”yea, he’s special...”
They took their tea up to the rooftop garden and settled into comfy recliner chairs in the shade.
“So, Jack, how do you want to play this? We’ll speak today seeing as you wore your mind processes out last night!”
Jack grinned and sipped his tea. ”Thanks – I know it was naughty, but I got a bit carried away...and it really was amazing...the way he was totally one with me and when we ca...” Jack blushed as the Doctor raised his eyebrows. “..ok, enough detail!”
“Yes, quite enough!” agreed the Doctor, grinning. “Now, as much as it’ll restrict your fun, I need you to refrain from too many visits so we can get his shields up to full strength before I take off – you know, worlds to save and a whole lot of running to do!” The smile took the sting out of the slap on the wrist.
Jack nodded. “I figured it would be a one-time trip...well, two if you want the truth..!” He chuckled as the Doctor choked on his tea.
“No wonder the lad’s tired! You’re insatiable!”
“...so I’m told!”
Both men sipped their drinks.
“Right then, where were we?”
“Curtailing my sexpoloits, I believe!” joked Jack.
“Oh yes! So, what I saw of the two of you yesterday I’d say he’s already got the basics so I think I can pull back and just monitor – I’ll only step in if I think he’s in danger of shutdown or overload – agreed?”
“How much are you going to show him?
“Everything...everything he wants to see – he already knows me like no-one else ever has...” Jack shrugged, “...he says he wants to know me completely...”
“hmm – the year-that-never-was? That’s gonna be hard to deal with...” the Doctor couldn’t repress a shudder.
“Yea, I know, but he’ll cope – he’s tougher than he looks and we’ve got the Ood song and now we’ve got Nirvana to hold on to...” Jack beamed at the memory and the Doctor smiled to himself at the glow of happiness that radiated off the other man with the intensity of a small sun.
They finished their tea and relaxed back in companionable silence until the quiet was broken by Jack’s phone. He glanced at the caller ID, “Gwen,” he said, “what’s up?”
“Nothing!” He could ‘hear’ her smiling. “...it’s all quiet, nothing predicted and nothing’s surfaced from the other day...so we wondered if you’d like to do lunch today...I’ve checked with Martha and she’s free and Donna’s back today as well...”
“Yep, be good...” agreed Jack. “I’ll check with Ianto when he wakes up...”
“You wore him out already!” Gwen interrupted, giggling
“Oh, yea – you don’t wanna know!”
“Oh, I do..!” Gwen teased, “...all the details!”
“No chance!” Jack grinned “I’ll call you back in...say thirty minutes?” He cut the call and turned to the Doctor. “You fancy lunch with the troops? Martha and Tom and Donna as well? Then we could do some mind work later if Ianto’s up to it?”
The Doctor nodded. “Sounds good..”
Jack glanced at his watch. “Just after twelve, I’ll go and check on Ianto...”
“No need, cariad, I’m here...” those lush welsh vowels sounded behind them.
Jack spun round to see Ianto looking gorgeously drowsy in boxers and a t-shirt, dishevelled hair and bare feet.
“I put the coffee on,” he murmured as Jack wrapped him into his arms for a gentle kiss. “You should’ve woken me...” he grumbled good naturedly against his lover’s lips.
“Nah, figured I wore you out so you needed the sleep to recharge your batteries...” he said, “especially as I plan on draining them again later!” he added in his head, sharing the thought with the younger man.
Ianto melted into the kiss, winding his arms around Jack’s neck, losing himself in the feel of Jack’s lips on his and the gentle thoughts of love that tumbled into his mind. Breathless, they broke apart to see the Doctor grinning at them like an indulgent uncle.
“Morning! I hear you had a busy night...great picture show!”
The blush rocketed across Ianto’s face. “Jack! You didn’t..!”
Jack kept his most innocent face on. “...what, you don’t mind?” He laughed aloud at the horror on Ianto’s face. “No, our moments are still our moments...” adding in his mind “...will only ever be our moments – they’re not for sharing with anyone but us...” he smiled softly, brushing his lips gently against the younger man’s, “...timeless and eternal, remember”
He continued aloud, “I just gave the Doctor the general tour...” sending swiftly to Ianto “...as he never got to take Rose...”
Ianto smiled, “...amazing place...” he sighed, “..oh yea...” a distant look in his eyes.
Jack smacked him playfully on his boxer-clad backside, laughing. “Gwen rang, she wants us all to do lunch today – might be our last chance to have the whole gang together for a while?”
“Yea, great idea, I’ll go get dressed...alone!” he added sternly in his head as Jack sent some rather enticing and suggestive shower activities streaming into his mind. “I’ll grab a coffee and leave you two to whatever you were doing...” Turning, he patted the Doctor lightly on the arm and padded back down the spiral staircase, vanishing into the bathroom to set the shower going.
Jack flipped his phone and called Gwen, arranging to meet at Maisie’s [it’s fine, they won’t remember that little incident since you retconned them all!] at one o’clock. He cut the call, laughing, explaining “last time we were at Maisie’s was purely Torchwood – they had a red pixie in their storeroom (they thought they had a poltergeist – spent a fortune on exorcising it!) which was fine while it was contained, but it got out and had a food fight with staff and customers – you should’ve seen the mess...”
“...yea, and who joined in whilst we had to catch the darned thing?” Ianto appeared behind them carrying two mugs of coffee. He handed one to the Doctor, “he was throwing cream cakes at everyone like a circus clown...”
Jack took the mug he held out, “...yea, but it was all part of the plan...I distracted it so you could sneak up on it with the containment pod...” Jack pouted and Ianto chuckled as he recalled the face full of custard the pixie had hit the Captain with, sending the image to both his lover and the Doctor.
The three men laughed loudly. Ianto went back downstairs to get ready, “...was a hell of a job getting his ruddy coat clean..!”
Jack continued sharing stories of the more entertaining encounters with the various life-forms that had come through the rift, sending a lively stream of commentary to Ianto as he showered, interspersed with loving thoughts and the occasional lewd suggestion if Ianto was in there much longer!
Lewd suggestions aside, Ianto reappeared in tight, battered jeans and a Blue Gillespie t-shirt that clung to his body making Jack’s mouth water as he ran his eyes appreciatively over his gorgeous Welshman, noting the still damp hair and the single drop of water rolling down his neck to soak into the neck of the t-shirt.
“You look good enough to eat...” he growled, reaching for Ianto, flooding his mind with a selection of his favourite fantasies.
Ianto grinned and batted his hands away. “Later – we’re going out for lunch!” he chuckled, sending back his pick of the suggestions, “later...providing you can avoid a food fight today!”
Gathering up the mugs, they headed back down the spiral staircase and out of the door. Jack managed to behave impeccably in the lift – outwardly at least, bombarding Ianto’s mind with a very steamy snogging session where he was pressed up against the back wall being kissed into oblivion. Ianto did his best to appear cool and controlled but couldn’t help a soft moan escaping his lips as the Jack in his head bit down on the side of his neck and rubbed their hips together...
Jack smirked, the Doctor grinned, knowing all too well what Jack was doing...and Ianto sighed, giving in and returning the kiss fiercely, crushing his lips against his lovers, closing his eyes and regretting his choice of tight –fitting jeans that did nothing to disguise his body’s responses. All in all, he was relieved when the doors pinged open on the ground floor, only to blush as they met their appreciative audience from the previous day.
“Oh, it’s them...hey, gonna give us a repeat...?”
Before Ianto could begin to think, “don’t you dare...” Jack had wrapped him into his arms, capturing his lips in a sweet and gentle kiss that developed rapidly as he opened his mouth to let Jack’s tongue explore and tangle with his own. Surrendering to the inevitable, Ianto melted into the kiss, fisting his hands in Jack’s hair, barely aware of the delighted shrieks from the lobby.
Breaking apart, panting, Jack grabbed Ianto’s hand and tugged him from the lift, flashing his trademark Hollywood-idol grin at the applause. “...anytime, girls..!”
Dropping the key off at the desk, they headed outside and the three of them sauntered towards the town centre, arriving a few minutes after one o’clock to find everyone else just ordering drinks. Donna waved delightedly at the Doctor and threw herself at the smiling Timelord. “Hey, skinny boy, miss me?” He hugged her back warmly, “of course, ‘though I did have the Jack and Ianto show to distract me...or is that corrupt me?”
“Details, space man, don’t forget I want all the details!” Releasing the Doctor, she hugged Ianto, whispering “don’t forget I want first refusal if you ever want to swap him...” and finally grabbed Jack, “come here gorgeous” as she squeezed the air out of him with a tight hug.
It was a fun and laughter-filled lunch that saw good food and even better company devour three hours of a glorious summer’s day. Stories, jokes and shared experiences of friends were worth all the pain and grief of the work they did and the things they’d all seen, thought Jack as he glanced around at the happy group. He thought briefly of Tosh and Owen, and how much they were still, would always, be missed...but this wasn’t a day for melancholy, it was a day for simply being alive and enjoying all life had to offer.
He looked along the table to where Ianto was sat between Gwen and Martha, his head thrown back as he laughed carelessly at something they were saying, and he caught his breath at how beautiful the man really was... He sent a wave of love to the young man’s head, smiling as it was caressed and returned...
The Doctor, Tom and Peter were deep in discussion of some alien artefact that could hold the key to some unexplained puzzle of some peculiar symptoms somewhere... Jack decided it was way too involved for him and ducked out of that particular conversation, moving round the table to listen in on a much more light-hearted discussion of the merits of make-up and fashion being enjoyed by Lois and Donna, this he could appreciate and joined in happily, laughing at their faces when he described his brief escapades as a drag queen back in his Time Agent days...oh, the stories he could tell...
Eventually, and regretfully, the staff at Maisie’s kicked them out [way past closing!] after Jack settled the bill and left a huge tip, still mindful of the cream cakes and pixie incident!
They spent another half an hour saying their respective farewells in case it was the last time... Gwen, Lois and Peter set off in the direction of the Hub with a promise from Jack that they would look in tomorrow, Martha and Tom were headed back to London so it really was goodbye for now for them... Jack pulled Ianto to one side while Donna was arranging to have dinner with the Doctor later that evening.
“Do you feel up to some more mind work? I know he really wants you to be protected before we go full pelt at my past...we don’t have to today, especially after last night – he slapped my wrist for that!”
“Was it worth it, cariad?”
“Me too...and let’s go for it...my headache’s gone and we never know when the rift’s going to drag us away...”
They set off slowly back towards the bay, Jack reaching for Ianto’s hand and entwining their fingers. Ianto couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face at that simple act of ownership that shouted he’s mine! to the world. “Girl!” teased Jack
“Your girl” retorted Ianto, squeezing Jack’s fingers lightly.
“You bet!” Jack chuckled and swung their hands as they walked.
The Doctor caught them up and they continued back to the hotel, Jack picking up where he’d left off in his mind seduction as the lift took them up to the top floor.
As the doors pinged open, Ianto bolted out of the elevator to the suite door, faint moans echoing in his head, feeling Jack’s hot breath on his aroused body...
Jack strolled out with the Doctor, the latter rolling his eyes, wondering if he was going to be permanently damaged from these encounters!
Once they each had a mug of Ianto’s awesome coffee, they settled back on the sofa as before, with the Doctor on the armchair between them.
“Jack,” the Doctor reached out to his mind, entering when the other man lowered his shields, “do you mind if I have some time with Ianto...I won’t keep him long...promise – and he can share with you after...”
Jack shrugged, “if he’s happy to, then I’m happy...” he closed off, leaving the Doctor to reach out towards the Welshman, wondering, not without a smidgen of jealousy, why the Doctor wanted his Ianto alone...
Ianto felt the Doctor’s mind hovering at the edge of his own and carefully lowered his shields to allow him entry. It was a simple act that felt strangely familiar and he realised that it was something he’d been doing without conscious effort since he and Jack had started sharing their thoughts, he just hadn’t noticed he was doing it...
”yes, you’re starting to see that you’ve already got a lot of control – my job is to make you aware of the different mechanisms so you can call on them instantly if – and when – you need to protect yourself.”
Ianto felt the familiar and awe-inspiring presence of the Doctor’s mind, all there was, all there ever could be, and he gasped anew at the wonder of it.
“Okay, now find the Ood song...good...yes, it’s like a computer screen, open another window... different programme, I like the analogy, Ianto Jones! Do you want to add any of your memories from Nirvana – I won’t pry, you might prefer them for the really dark memories...”
Ianto felt the Doctor’s suppressed sadness and sudden flash of longing, along with the briefest glimpse of Rose and opened his own memories of his journey to Nirvana, inviting the Doctor to share his emotions [without the physical images or that perfect moment that was his and Jack’s alone]. He reached out tentatively to gently caress the Timelord’s mind, soothing the aching void that the man opened to him, knowing that this was between him and the Doctor. “...you’ve never shared this with Jack?” he asked.
“...no, I couldn’t...Rose made Jack what he is and I know he still feels guilty, so it’s easier to keep this hidden...”
“...but not alone any more...we share this from now on...your Rose, our Jack...”
“thank you, Ianto, you really are something special...” Each felt the other’s smile.
Pulling back from the blissful images of Nirvana, they settled in the Doctor’s realm where he burned at the centre of time.
“You know ‘how’ to block? I’m going to get Jack to send you some images he thinks you’ll want to shut out – they’ll have to be unsettling ones for it to be instinctive, okay, by definition, upsetting...so remember to block – and retreat, Ood song or Nirvana, your choice, but I want you to get used to the feel of the actions so you can practice until they become automatic. Jack wants to share everything with you...and that’s a very brave move on both your parts...it’s not going to be easy – and I only know a fraction of what’s in his head... “
Ianto took a deep breath in and released it slowly. “...ready...” he sent, a tremor of nervousness evident alongside steely determination...
Jack’s mind bounced into the shared consciousness of the Doctor’s core, reaching out to first one, then the other, before settling expectantly next to Ianto’s like two kindergarten pupils in front of their teacher. The Doctor couldn’t resist a flash of an image of them both in shorts, blazers and caps, sitting cross legged on the floor in front of a blackboard...he chuckled, before reasserting his serious face.
“Right, Jack, I’ve explained to Ianto what I want to do today so I want you to send any images or thoughts that you think he would want to block out...go whenever you’re ready...”
After the tiniest pause, Jack sent an image of himself pulling Gwen into his arms and kissing her passionately...
Ianto’s reaction was instant and brutal as he lashed out and smacked his fist onto Jack’s jaw, knocking him off the sofa, yelling “you bastard, you did kiss her...you lying bastard...” in his head before he was overtaken by a sudden sob, and he caught his breath, panting hard, dropping his hands limply into his lap.
Jack lay on the floor, both shocked and furious at the reaction. He scrambled up, anger blazing on his face as he turned back towards his lover...to find the Doctor firmly in the middle between them, both physically and mentally. “sit down!”
Jack slumped back on to the sofa, refusing to meet Ianto’s accusing eyes.
“Well, that went well, didn’t it” the Doctor sighed. “Ianto, the idea was to block it out, not go for a physical attack...”
“He kissed her...lying bastard kissed her...” Ianto muttered, clenching his hands into fists again.
“Jack... why that particular memory? the Doctor asked gently, hoping to avoid a full scale fight.
“It’s not a memory...it’s NOT” he reasserted as Ianto growled disbelievingly at his side. “it’s an image I created – I thought it would be one thing he would want to block out...but it seems he’s too shallow to believe I would never do that...” his thoughts trailed off in disgust.
“Okay, children – yes I said children, enough! Ianto, do you believe it was a manufactured thought, designed only to get a particular reaction from you? – and I don’t mean the one it did!”
“suppose...” said Ianto grudgingly
“Jack, do you accept Ianto’s reaction was based on his belief that this was a real memory that contradicted previous statements you and he had shared on this topic..?”
“huh, if you’re saying he lashed out ‘cos he was jealous, then yeah...”
“Jack...that’s not helping!”
“ok, so it wasn’t a good image to use...sorry Ianto...and I haven’t...ever... Nice right hook by the way!” he rubbed his chin ruefully.
Ianto paused a moment before grinning and reaching out to pull Jack towards him, capturing his mouth with his own, flicking his tongue against Jack’s lips and deepening their kiss as he was granted entry. Jack responded enthusiastically, sliding one hand behind Ianto’s neck and the other coming to rest in the small of his back, pressing the younger man closer...
A thought-induced bucket of iced water thrown over them had them springing apart and shaking like dogs caught in the rain, gasping at the sensations. They turned to see the Doctor with his hands on his hips trying unsuccessfully to keep the grin off his face.
“Are we ready to get back to class?” he suggested lightly, rolling his eyes at the pair of them.
Grinning, they sat down, hands entwined and re-established their links to the Doctor’s core.
“Ready?” Two heads nodded. “Jack...go when you’re ready...Ianto..mind responses only please!”
Jack pondered for a minute, sending a memory of him having his throat torn out by a Weevil...it was a gruesome image that he’d buried away...
Ianto’s eyes widened and he shuddered, half reaching out towards Jack before deliberately blocking the image and obediently calling up the Ood song, losing himself momentarily in its haunting beauty.
“Good...good!” the Doctor clasped his hands round both of theirs. “Good! Nice choice Jack – vivid, realistic...just the job! Ianto, try and resist reaching towards him – I know that’s your instinctive reaction, but for the moment I want to concentrate on protecting you...ok? Go, then, see if you can deal with a few in quick succession...”
Jack sent the memory of himself drowning in concrete, followed by the handing over of the twelve children in 1965, followed finally by the image of him sobbing as he gazed down at Ianto’s dead body on the floor of Thames House, the effort of facing these memories leaving him limp and drained.
Ianto, for his part, blocked the first two with ease, retreating into Ood song after each, but struggled not to reach out and wrap his mind around Jack’s at the final image, finally blocking it and retreating to Nirvana to draw comfort from the intimate memories there, his physical body shuddering with the horror, clutching Jack’s hand in a grip of iron.
The Doctor reached out gently to both men’s minds and pulled them back towards his core, opening the Ood song to his space and allowing it to fill the expanse of the sky. Wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders, he held them close and let them find peace again, relaxing their shields and his own. Long minutes passed before he pulled back and left them alone to re-establish their own links in private. A hard lesson learned today, but one that would help them to survive the coming storms.