Happiness
Usually I post my stories in German at www.fanfiction.de, so this is my first time here. And we all know - first times are the hardest. So please - be kind.
Jack and Ianto and the whole torchwood stuff belongs to the BBC und RTD, I just play a little. Jack loves playing......
I want to thank renaspatz for the wonderful, amazing translation. This had never happend without you. Thanks for beeing there in so many ways.
Well, here we go.
“Jack?” Ianto tried his best to sound casual.
“Hmm?” This was a very unobservant captain.
“I know that you are very busy at the moment. But would it be impudent to ask you a question, Sir?” The very spezial sound of the final word definitely got Jacks attention. He let go of his blatantly outspread booklet full of Sudoku-brainteasers and sent a skeptical glance across the archive.
“You have never been asking if you are allowed to. What do you want to know?” Somehow Jack had the gut feeling, it would be something insinuating and he was looking forward to answering with an innuendo.
“Well. It is virtually a …. very personal question. Needless to say, that I am not disappointed if you decide not to answer.” Without looking up from his pile of files Ianto tried hard to articulate in a deliberately casual manner.
Jacks libido was already celebrating. If the sexy Welshman verbally wriggles like an eel, there only could be something dirty in his mind.
“Oh, I am definitely sure that you will get your answer. Come on!” An elated Jack strolled towards Iantos desk and leant against it nonchalantly.
“Hmmm… harrumph… You eventually mentioned that you had got pregnant in the past. That wasn’t a joke, was it? “ Inquiring blue eyes looked up at him gravely. Captain Jack Harkness grew stiff and looked shocked. That was not what he had assumed. Immediately his libido hid in plain sight, pushed away by palpable mementos.
“What do you want to know? Do you want to discuss contraception with me?” A flirtatious smile accompanied his answer, but it was a rather poor distraction of the unsecure expression in Jacks eyes.
For a short moment both men looked each other over, then Ianto sighed and focused again on his files. “Just forget it, that’s none of my business….” he muttered.
“What’s going on in your mind?” Jack was curious now and sat down at Iantos desk, which was a clear sign that he would not let drop the subject. For a few moments he watched his lover before he asked again.
“Why do you want to know this, Ianto?” This time he didn’t banter and flirt, he sounded serious and honest.
Ianto took his time to put down his pen and to lean back in his chair.
His face was curious but there was also something else. Was it concern? Was it sympathy? Jones cleared his throat and said very considerately: “If so, then I was curious where the child would be now. And how do you cope that you cannot act as a father in its life?” Silence. More silence. Much more silence. Jack had to swallow. He had anticipated to be questioned about the bodily details. But of course - his Ianto had to target his heart, and to hit the bull’s eye.
With a heavy sigh Harkness backed out and retreated into his shell. “I have no idea… Feels like an eternity…..” With a frown Ianto saw how hard Jack tried to sound detached, but his slouchy shoulders and sagging pace gave him away.
Here he was again, Jack Harkness in his shell, well-proven and field-tested.
Ianto wouldn’t push. But there was no malice only care. He was worried about the elder man. With a sigh he grabbed the next file and tried to concentrate.
The Sudoku-quiz was damned complicated. So tricky, that Jack was on the verge of melting into tears. Damn puzzle ! The puzzle was beyond solving, especially with watering eyes. Furiously he threw his pen across the room, crunched up the notebook and dashed it right afterwards.
Jack flashed Ianto a glance - he couldn´t have missed his reaction. But - nothing. Only a pen scraping on paper.
“Coffee, Jack?” Thank goodness! His archivist has not decided to ignore him.
“Sounds good to me. Thanks, Ianto…” With a friendly nod the man wearing those amazing suits disappeared from his sight and gave his boss the opportunity to gather himself.
15 minutes later they sat down between dusty filing cabinets, each one with a cup of Iantos awesome coffee full to the brim. Actually Ianto has accepted that he won’t get an answer, but…
“It really was a long time ago. It has been one of my weirdest experiences, you must know. In the 51st century it is not out of the ordinary that men conceive. Evolution is very fascinating. These odd munchies and cravings, and then… morning sickness. But when I could feel it moving in my womb for the first time… I could never, never forget. That was worthwile, absolutely. Regarding pregnancy I begrudge the earth women.
The child’s father… let’s say my ex… was luckily a doctor otherwise here on earth I would have ended up in some experimental laboratory. If you don’t mind my saying, a caesarian on the kitchen table is quite something…”
Jack chuckled, he seemed deep in his thoughts and not sensing the doubtfully gaze of his counterpart.
After a break he continued hushed and tenderly: “It is hard to explain how it feels to hold something – someone – in your arms, which was kicking in your womb a few minutes before. The whole 9 months of childbearing you are curious what the baby will look like, your child, and then it is here. Simply here. Our… my son. Benjamin. Meanwhile he is in his fifties. I don’t know where he lives and what he looks like now. My… ex... he didn’t want to live that way anymore, so we parted before Benjamin’s third birthday. The Sixties on earth were not exactly broad-minded and all the lies… Foremost we still had loose contact. I have pictures of his first day at school. Somewhere down the road we left it be.
I get along. Really. Sometimes I am on the verge of searching for him, but then… it is better this way. I had carried a son in my womb and been a father for 3 years. Although it was really complicated – maybe it was the best time of my life. Peaceful. Conventional. Normal. Well, as normal as it would be with someone like me. Parenthood is very special, believe me.”
Harkness was sitting with his already cold coffee in his hands and looked lost in thought but by no means mournful. Ianto had listened with misty eyes. He was deeply touched by the way Jack spoke, not only by the story. Carefully he took the cup out of Jacks fingers and clasps his partner’s hand.
“You were very lucky to be able to experience this. In spite of everything, I still can see how happy you must have been. Maybe it happens again and then it will be better. I believe you would be a great father. Thank you so much for telling me.“
Jones leant forward and and kissed his lover’s fingertips, until Jack hugged him and held him close.
“Happiness, Ianto Jones…. Happiness has many forms. This very second I see happiness right in front of me.”