Title: THE “N” INCIDENT
Characters: Jack-Ianto, Tosh, Owen, Gwen, Detective Kathy Swanson, PC Andy Davidson.
Summary: The team has to fight against a smelly creature.
Rated: PG 14
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, the characters, music, anything, I just like to write about it. I like to write because I like to dream. I’m not making money whith this fic.
THE “N” INCIDENT
"What’s the emergency???" asked Captain Harkness to Detective Swanson. "There is a smelly creature in the sewer drain, we think it's one of those freaks that you hunt." Jack, Ianto, Owen and Tosh and Kathy Swanson, PC Andy Davidson and two other policemen were on a beach where sewage drained. "Oh my God, what's that smell!" Tosh held his nose with her handkerchief. "The shit smells better than that," Owen growled. Ianto was a little behind them, his face turning green. Jack turned to them "We have to go to catch whatever is in there".
Jack and Owen came into the sewer and saw one yellow-brown-green creature. Jack turned to Owen "That looks like a giant mucus." Owen made a face of disgust "Jack, that's disgusting." They began rounding up the creature, but it escaped to the beach, where were the others. Kathy cried "Here it comes." Andy and the other policemen started shooting. The big mucus ran to Tosh and Ianto who were also shooting, then the creature exploded, part of its body falling over Ianto.
Jack went to the police car which was Detective Swanson. "We'll collect the remains of the creature." Kathy nodded "I totally agree." Jack began looking for Ianto "Where's Ianto??" Kathy raised an eyebrow "The baby face in a suit??” Owen chuckled "Ianto will love that comment." Kathy continued, "He’s there, I think it's throwing up." Jack and Owen turned and saw Ianto headed in a public trash, Tosh at his side supporting him. Andy said "I thought you, Torchwood people, had strongest stomachs."
Ianto and Tosh were close to where the others. Jack was worried, "Are you okay???". Ianto nodded, still a little dizzy "That smell made me very nauseated, I could not help it." Owen snorted "Hey, Teaboy, it seems like Jack finally got you pregnant." Tosh giggled and Ianto changed his skin tone from green I-left-my-guts-in-the-trash to a red please-earth-swallow-me "Oi, Owen, you would not saying that if you had all your clothes full of mucus and smelling like rubbish." Kathy was astonished. Jack laughed, "Come to the SUV and I’ll help you take off all those clothes." Kathy could not believe it "But how, are you a couple???. But, how old are you??? 16???" Ianto became indignant "I’m 24." Owen, Tosh, Andy and the other policemen were laughing. Kathy said, "Captain Harkness, I was planning to arrest you under charges of pedophilia" Jack looked at her lasciviously "I bet you would love to have me handcuffed to your mercy". Kathy huffed "This is what you wish." Jack continued to provoke her, "I know that deep down you want me." Kathy laughed, "You keep dreaming.”, but they were interrupted by Ianto who was throwing up again behind the police car. Jack sighed, "Well, Kathy, I believe we must continue our conversation another day." He hold Ianto, "Come, Yan." Ianto was carried to the SUV, where Jack helped him rid the suit. "Another suit completely ruined." Ianto lamented. "You don’t worry, I'll buy you another one." Jack said, handing him a blanket to cover himself.
Owen was driving with Tosh at his side, Jack was with Ianto in the back seat. Owen began to tease Ianto: "Yes, Teaboy, that creature was quite unpleasant, the smell was unbearable, like rotten food and his remains seem like baby’s diarrhea, slimy..." "Stop the car" Ianto interrupted, he barely had time to get off the car to return to vomit. On the road again, Owen continued "That happens to you because you we’re eating so much, Teaboy, bread, soup, salad, fish and fries, ice cream..." “Stop the car” Ianto interruped again. When Ianto climbed back into the car, Owen said "Is the last time I stop the car, if Teaboy wants to puke again, give him a bag." Ianto sat down again, "You shut up, Owen, don’t make further comments, my stomach can’t take them".
Another comment by Owen, a bag for Ianto and a threat by Jack later, they arrived at the hub. Ianto was completely empty "I'm going to brush my teeth and take a bath". Jack followed him "I'll go with you". Owen went to the autopsy bay "I leave the remains of the creature and then I take Ianto a remedy for the nausea." Tosh went to her computer.
Ianto was only in his boxers brushing his teeth and rinsing his mouth, Jack was looking at him “Do you feel better???” "I’m fine. I'm going to take a bath" Ianto took off his boxers and climbed into the shower, he started soaping himself sensually. Jack looked at him drooling "Do you want some company??" Ianto looked at him "No, you mocked me, besides, you flirted with Detective Swanson." Jack defended himself, "Hey, I was joking, you know well that you're the only love of my life, I’ll n…" ***plaff*** Ianto threw water and soap foam to Jack and left him wet. Ianto was laughing and Jack stared at him "Now you're gonna pay for this”.
Jack took off his clothes and got into the shower too. He and Ianto began to wrestle, Ianto would not let Jack kiss him and Jack was tickling him.
Finally, Jack won the fight and kissed him. Ianto completely melted into the kiss. They began to caress and rubbed their bodies against each other, increasingly excited. His kisses were becoming more passionate, Ianto suddenly turned to the wall and offered his arse to Jack, who took the lube and began to prepare him for a lovemaking session.
Owen went from the autopsy bay with a glass in his hand and spoke to Tosh "I let the mucus ready for the autopsy. I'm going to give Ianto the nausea remedy, Tosh. Tosh??" Tosh was staring at the computer with headphones. Owen thought "She must be with some of her bored translations of alien languages." Owen went to the area of showers "Oh my ..." He turned very distressed. Jack had Ianto against the wall of the shower and was thrusting him so hard, they did not realize that Owen had seen them.
Owen returned to where it was Tosh "Tosh, I saw Jack and Tea ... Tosh, that you are watching?" Tosh jumped and turned red "Owen, what happened???" Owen also blushed "You ... You ... you're a pervert. You're looking at them having sex." Tosh was embarrassed "Owen, this is something I can not avoid." Owen shooked his head "I can not believe it, now I'm the one with nausea". He drank the remedy and went to the autopsy room.
An hour later, Jack and Ianto returned. Owen and Tosh were sitting at their workstations. Jack looked at them 'Kids, why are you so serious???" Owen couldn’t contain himself "I went to give Ianto the nausea remedy and I saw you two shagging in the shower". Ianto blushed deeply and Jack laughed "Oh please, Owen, all the kids have ever seen their parents fucking at least once" Owen snorted "Yeah, but in my case, my father is a fucking intergalactic playboy and my mother is a bloody Teaboy.” Tohs giggled, Owen turned to her "And you don’t laugh. Jack, do you know that your wonderful tech is a degenerate. Tosh likes to watch you when you’re having sex." Jack sighed "Tosh, you promised not to do it again." Tosh nodded "I know, Jack, but I can not help it." Owen could not believe it, "You know it, then," Ianto spoke "Yes, she also recorded us. She has a big collection of videos." Owen looked at her "Pervert." Jack laughed, "No, Tosh is a naughty girl." Tosh giggled “Gwen is going to drop dead of envy for not having seen what happened." Ianto was alarmed "She's not going to know. Nothing happened here." Owen said "That gave nausea." Jack added "Okay, Gwen will never know."
Owen continued, "By the way, when does Gwen return from her honeymoon???" Jack replied "In two days." Tosh said "We should make her a “welcome to the hub”. Something funny." Jack nodded, "A party, a show?" Ianto giggled. Everyone looked at him "We might be surprised her with a show." Tosh asked "What are you thinking???" Ianto smiled maliciously.
Two days later, Gwen went to the hub "Hi, guys. I'm back." Suddenly, she began to listen to the notes of a song "But, what the hell???" "I Want To Break Free" by Queen, filled the hub. Gwen saw his teammates characterized as the characters in the video, Tosh in the role of the mother, Owen was the grandmother, Ianto was the schoolgirl and Jack was dressed as the Faun, but with the big black mustache of Freddy Mercury. They danced and sang the song, Gwen laughed until the tears came out.
"You are crazy. This is really a welcome." Everyone was very happy. Jack said "It was an excellent show." Gwen agreed "Without a doubt. Jack, you look amazing as the Faun, but I would like to see you dress like a woman.” Jack answered “I was thinking about that, but I wanted to pay tribute also to Nijinsky, the dancer who created the Faun, the mustache is Freddy’s." Gwen looked at him "I bet you knew both of them." Jack smirked "You bet right." Ianto added "Tosh had to be the mom and Owen the grumpy grandmother". Owen jumped "Oi, Teaboy, you don’t abuse, with that baby face you have." Ianto blushed and the others laughed.
Tosh asked "What about the honeymoon??" Gwen said, "Excellent. But tell me, did something interesting happen here???” Owen, Tosh and Ianto replied "You know… same things, same aliens." Jack said "The “N” incident". Ianto looked at him threateningly "Jack, please." Gwen opened her eyes "What happened? Oh, please tell me." Ianto said "Nothing," Owen added "Nauseous" Tosh giggled "Naughty" and Jack ends "But you will Never know." Owen said, "Well, we'd better go and change the clothes." Tosh said to Gwen "Come with me and tell me about your honeymoon."
When they were alone, Jack looked at Ianto, he looked lovely with his schoolgirl uniform, his two ponytails and licking a lollypop, he really looked that he was 16. Jack came over and kissed him "You taste sweet.” Ianto giggled "Your mustache tickles" Jack smiled, "I can be tickling you over your whole body" Ianto began to flirt licking the candy. Jack was excited "Would you want to lick something else?" Ianto spent his pink little tongue by the lollypop, his upper lip and his teeth before answering "What do you have in mind???" Jack grinned, "Something that would make Swanson arrest me at this very moment." And Jack squeezed Ianto in his arms.
“I DON´T WANT TO LIVE ALONE, HEY
GOD KNOWS, GOT TO MAKE IT ON MY OWN
SO BABY CAN´T YOU SEE?
I´VE GOT TO BREAK FREE”