Author: zorell.
Chapter: 4/?
Rating: PG
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Tosh, Owen, Martha, Gwen.
Pairings: Jack/Ianto.
Summary: Jack tries to deal with what's happened.
Disclaimer: Torchwood belongs to BBC and RTD.

A/N: Just couldn’t get this right. Still not great but it’s the best I could do so apologise in advance. Also, sorry for angst, but things will get better soon, - promise.

Story starts here: http://jackxianto.livejournal.com/5294840.html#cutid1 

previous chapter: http://jackxianto.livejournal.com/5313669.html#cutid1

Chapter 4.

“ He always loved this coat,” Jack said as he placed his RAF greatcoat over his lover’s body. A faint smile crossing his face as he remembered their first meeting in the woods, and Ianto’s comment as Jack had left the scene.

 Martha moved from out of the shadows and nearer to Jack. She opened her mouth to speak but didn’t know what to say.

 “ I love him so much. I didn’t want to and I tried so hard not to. Even resisted hiring him at first. But I couldn’t help falling for him,” another small smile crossed Jack’s face as he remembered a certain warehouse, “ quite literally as it happened, even knowing it was going to hurt to lose him. Why now? ... just when...” Jack’s voice trailed off.

 Martha hated having to intrude on her friends grief but he was needed up in the main part of the Hub. A Tryloanian ship had entered Earth’s airspace and Jack was needed to negotiate their leaving. “ Jack, I’m really sorry but you’re needed in the hub. A Tryloanian ship is in outer orbit.”

 Jack knew of the Tryloanian’s, they were a peaceful race but could be stubborn. As far as it was known they had only ventured this close to Earth once before, in the early seventies if he remembered correctly, and it had taken a while to persuade them to leave.

 Jack ran his fingers through Ianto’s hair and said softly, “ I love you Jones, Ianto Jones and I will for all eternity. You accepted me for me, good and bad, and loved me no matter what. You made me complete and without you I face eternity with a gaping hole within me where you should be. I’ll love and remember you forever.” Jack leant over and placed one last kiss to his lover’s lips, then carefully pushed draw 0107 into its place in the vaults.

 Having to become The Captain, leader of Torchwood Three again, and not the grieving lover, Jack wiped his tear stained face and took a deep steadying breath, before turning to face Martha for the first time. Martha took in the site before her. Jack looked so lost and broken, his eyes were bloodshot from crying, there was no sign of the spark that usually existed within them, and ironically he seemed to have aged years in the last few hours. Martha’s heart broke once again for her friend.

 Taking another steadying breath and slipping on a ‘mask’ that Ianto would have been proud of, Jack offered Martha his arm.

“ We had best go and deal with the Tryloanians before Owen decides to try his hand at diplomacy and an inter-planetary incident occurs !” Jack tried to act as normal, but the words just sounded hollow. Martha took the offered arm and they left for the main area of the Hub.

 As had happened previously, the discussions with the Tryloanians about their appearance in Earth’s airspace took some time, but the visitors eventually left peacefully and full of apologies. Realising what the time was, and after checking with Tosh to see if anything was predicted to come through the rift, Jack told everyone to finish up and go home.

“ What about you Jack ? ” Tosh asked.

“ I’ll stay for a while. Got a few things to do.”

Tosh was concerned about leaving Jack on his own. Of course she knew that even if he did do something stupid it wouldn’t be permanent, but the thought of leaving him on his own just didn’t seem right.

“ I’ll keep you company.”  Gwen offered, a little too enthusiastically.

“ Thought you and Rhys were have dinner at his parents tonight ?” Owen commented while putting on his jacket as he came up from the autopsy bay.

“ Well, yes, but ”

“ And you were moaning about not being able to miss it for some reason or another.” Owen continued, rather pleased with himself for actually having paid enough attention to something Gwen had said to be of use. He really didn’t think that Jack wanted Gwen hanging around. In fact he was pretty sure, based on personal experience, that Jack would want to be alone, except for maybe a large bottle of whisky.

“ Oh yes, I forgot.” Gwen wasn’t best pleased that Owen, of all people, had remembered what she’d said earlier. She had thought staying in the Hub, with the excuse of keeping an eye on Jack, would have been a perfect way to get close to him. However she couldn’t miss this dinner at the in-laws, so she’d just have to be there for Jack tomorrow she thought.

“ I’d better get going,” Gwen continued as she picked up her bag, putting it over her shoulder before wrapping her arms around Jack and giving him a slightly too long hug, and saying, so quietly that only Jack could hear, “ You know where I am if you want or need anything, anything at all.”

Jack had tensed at the hug and the tone and implication of her words made him feel sick.

“ I won’t need anything from you Gwen.” Jack replied coldly, “ Goodbye and enjoy your evening with Rhys.”

Gwen left quickly. Tosh went over and gave Jack a hug of her own. This one Jack returned, knowing that Tosh was hurting at the loss of her friend.

“ Are you sure you don’t want me to stay ?” Tosh asked as she stepped back from the hug.

“No, thanks. I’d rather be on my own.” Jack gave her a sad smile.

“ Jack.”

“Martha I’ll be OK. I’ll call someone if the rift plays up.”

“ Don’t just call if it’s the rift. Call even if all you need is to talk or to know there’s someone else there. Promise ?” Martha said as she too hugged the Captain.

“Promise.”

“ Come on Tosh, Martha, I’ll give you both a lift.” Owen looked at Jack, a silent understanding seemed to pass between them, and then the medic led the women out towards the garage.

                             ----------------------------------------------

 Jack had tried to get some work done but he just couldn’t concentrate, then he had suddenly felt claustrophobic and had had to get out of the Hub. Now Jack found himself up on a roof in the rain. He didn’t know how long he had been up there and quite frankly he didn’t care. Right now he didn’t care about how wet and cold he was. He didn’t care about the people below. He didn’t care about the city he was looking out at. Didn’t care about this country, hell he didn’t care about this planet ! The only thing he cared about was Ianto. God he loved that man so much and now... Jack felt so empty, so lost. He wished so much that his death would stick. That he could pull the trigger of his Webley, or just step off the edge of this building and never wake up. He’d be in darkness but it would be the same darkness Ianto was in.

 Jack had lost many people during his long life, people he had worked with, people he had cared about, a few he had allowed himself to love, and each loss had hurt but he had come through the pain and grief eventually. This time though was different. Of course he’d carry on, that was his curse, but he knew he would just be a shell of the man he had been. He would just be going through the motions. Not feeling, not caring, just doing, because he had lost his reason to be, his strength, his soul. How the fates hated him he thought.

 With the rain still falling Jack left the roof and just walked. He didn’t know nor care about where he was going, he just had to walk. After what seemed like hours Jack found himself outside a large Victorian house that had been converted into four flats.

“ Oh, hello Captain.” A cheery voice rang out above the sound of the rain. It belonged to an elderly woman, umbrella in one hand, her dogs lead in the other, who was approaching where the Captain stood. Jack didn’t respond.

“ Oh dear, are you in trouble ? Not a row I hope. You and Ianto are so good together I hate to think of you two arguing.”

Jack just shook his head.

“ Well whatever it is that’s kept you out so late I’m sure he’ll forgive you, just flash that smile of yours !” By now the lady, Mrs. Daffyd, had reached and opened the front door to the building and was motioning for Jack to enter.

“ You’re really not with it are you Captain !”

“ Sorry Mrs. Daffyd, just been one of those days.” Understatement of the year Jack thought as he entered the building. He suddenly realised he would have to tell her about Ianto. They had been neighbours for over a year and she had taken a shine to the young Welshman. Mrs. Daffyd had supplied home cooked meals saying Ianto was far too thin, while Ianto had helped out with any odd jobs she had needed doing around her flat. She was always so cheery and bubbly, and hadn’t batted an eyelid when Jack had moved in with Ianto. Jack knew he should tell her but he couldn’t, not now, it would make it all too real.

 Jack must have said his goodbyes to Mrs. Daffyd, although he didn’t remember doing so, and gone up the flight of stairs to the top floor of the house. He now found himself unlocking and entering the flat he called home. Shutting the door, Jack turned, leant his back against it and slid down to the floor; hugging his knees, the tears began to fall as Jack fell apart.  



next chapter: http://jackxianto.livejournal.com/5343409.html#cutid1