Title: What Will Be.
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Tosh, Owen, Martha, Gwen.
Summary: Abit more about the ‘energy’ and Jack comes clean to Ianto.
Disclaimer: Torchwood belongs to BBC and RTD.
A/N: Ok, this chapter has given me all sorts of problems for no obvious reason. I’m still not happy with it, but if I re-do it anymore I think I’m going to lose the plot ! – both literally and figuratively ! So as well as the usual apologies for mistakes, bad grammar, dodgy plot etc., there’s an extra apology for this chapter. Hope you enjoy anyway. Thanks for reading.
Story starts here:
Ianto saw the glance from Martha to Owen, and knew Jack had to, as his lover tensed once more.
“ Martha ?” Ianto prompted.
“ There is a slight difference from the original readings detected at Torchwood One. The more sensitive scan, completed by the Aelranian device, picked up another ‘energy’ pattern that had integrated itself with the orbs. The second ‘energy’ pattern matches the one found in Jack.” Martha looked towards her friend as she finished speaking.
“ So I am the reason Ianto came back.” Jack found his emotions conflicted. With some of his life-force apparently now part of his lover, the Captain couldn’t help but feel elated that there was a chance he would never again have to go through the devastation of a few days ago, but he also found himself feeling guilty at possibly having cursed his lover to an eternity of losing those he cared for.
What Jack saw as a curse however, Ianto saw as a gift. No one knew how long this resurrection of his would last. If he would live a ‘normal’ lifespan, an extended one, or, with the presence of Jack’s life-force, maybe even... If that was the case then the ‘gift’ could mean him never hurting Jack again by dying, and Ianto considered saving Jack from suffering more pain worth any future loss he may have to endure himself.
“ No. You’re not.” It was Owen’s voice answering Jack’s comment, and pulling both the Captain and Ianto from their thoughts.
“ But..” Jack started to speak . Owen cut him off and continued.
“ Look I can see you’re jumping to conclusions. ‘Some of your life-force is in Ianto, so you’re the reason he’s back.’ Well I hate to burst your bubble, but no way is there enough of your life-force in Teaboy to cause his little Lazarus act. I will concede that maybe, - and I stress maybe, - it could be a contributing factor, but even that is questionable considering the amount found in Ianto is so small. If it wasn’t for the Aelranian device we wouldn’t have any idea about it being there at all. We aren’t even sure how your ‘energy’ came to be in him, and no it’s not sexually transmitted, that we are sure of !” Owen got in before the Captain had the chance to comment.
“ But it is there...” Jack checked.
“ Yes it is, but our money’s still on it being the orb energy somehow, and not your life-force, that brought Teaboy back. After all it was the orb energy that registered and spiked, leading the girls down to Ianto’s draw in the vaults, and not the vortex energy that makes up your life-force. There is also nothing to show that the life-force that’s in him has had any previous affect on Ianto. He may not have died before but it’s not like Teaboy hasn’t been injured, and surely there would have been signs of rapid healing, or something, if the life-force was ‘active’ or if there was enough of it to have some effect.”
Even though the contact between himself and his lover was minimal, Ianto instantly felt Jack tense even more as Owen spoke. Thinking that the medics’ words had brought memories of the cannibal incident to the fore of the Captains mind, Ianto turned to look at his lover with the intention of reassuring him. However, as their eyes meet Ianto was taken aback by the mix of emotions he saw there. For a moment there was distance as if recalling a memory, then, as if suddenly realising Ianto was looking at him, there was fear, and a desperate need for understanding and forgiveness. Ianto’s own gaze became questioning but reassuring at the same time, not wanting Jack to worry how he would take whatever was troubling the Captain. Ianto couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong for Jack to both fear his reaction and want forgiveness. He rejected the cannibals as the cause of Jack’s distress as there was no reason for him to either fear or need Ianto’s understanding with regard to what had happened then. The Welshman’s mind ran over all that had been said over the past few minutes. Trying to pinpoint the exact moment Jack had tensed even more.... ‘He may not have died before but it’s not like...’ A memory suddenly assaulted Ianto’s mind... being thrown across the Hub...nothing... darkness...an internal sense of being pulled...warm lips...a kiss...
Blue eyes gazed into blue, realisation and comprehension shining in them, but before either man could vocalise the thoughts now filling their minds Jack and Ianto realised that Owen was still talking.
“...Well that’s how things stand at the moment. We’ve recalibrated the wriststrap..” Owen motioned to the device Martha was waiting to reattach to Ianto, “...and we will keep on monitoring. That’s about all we can do right now.”
Jack thanked the two doctors for the update, reiterating that if they came up with anything more to let him know, he then looked towards where Ianto was collecting the empty coffee mugs. The Welshman smiled as he turned to face Jack. The Captain returned the smile but it didn’t reach his eyes, they were still whirlpools of emotions that only one person could calm.
“ Would it be possible to have a word Sir ?” Ianto asked as he went to pass Jack and head up towards the main area of the Hub. Ianto knew they needed to talk and the sooner the better.
“ Of course.” Jack replied, hoping he sounded more at ease than he felt.
“ Your office ?” Ianto asked as they emerged from the autopsy bay.
“Sorry, it will have to be somewhere else. I left Tosh in there taking a look at the parcel Archie sent down.”
“ Archives ?” Ianto suggested after a moment’s thought. With Tosh in Jack’s office their room below wasn’t an option, and with Ianto currently confined to the Hub, other usual haunts, such as the roof, their flat, the railings looking out over the bay, were out as well. That left Ianto’s domain. At least they knew they wouldn’t be disturbed in the archives. No one dare step foot in them, without good cause, for fear of decaf !
“ Sure.” Jack agreed as he followed Ianto towards the archives. He knew this was a long overdue conversation, one he hoped wouldn’t damage what he and Ianto had. As sure as he was about the young man’s feelings for him it didn’t stop a little voice deep in his subconscious niggling away at him; you should have told him, should have been honest. What if they’re wrong and I am to blame because of this, and he hates me for condemning him to my fate ... Jack was pulled from his thoughts by those beautiful Welsh vowels.
“ Jack ?” Ianto had put his hand on his lovers arm, and was looking at him with concern. Jack realised they were now down in the part of the archives just to the side of the space where Ianto had created an office area. There was an old four-seater settee there and it was out of CCTV range. Ianto manoeuvred the pair of them to the settee and they sat down.
“ Sorry.” Jack tried a half hearted smile at his obviously concerned lover, not really sure if he was apologising for being lost in thought, or for the conversation to come.
“ Nothing to be sorry for.” Ianto told him. There was silence for a few moments, as the Welshman collected his own thoughts, trying to decide the best way to broach Jack’s earlier reaction and his own subsequent remembrance and realisations. “ Jack...” Ianto looked into the eyes he loved, and took hold of his fiancé’s hand lacing their fingers together, wanting to reassure Jack that whatever happened, whatever was said, he wasn’t going anywhere. “...earlier when Owen was talking I felt how tense you got, and saw the emotions in your eyes...I didn’t comprehend at first why I saw what I did. I didn’t know what could have you scared and wanting my forgiveness and understanding, then a memory came back to me that tied in with your reaction to something Owen said...You brought me back didn’t you ?....” Ianto, whose voice was calm and soothing with no hint of accusation or malice, felt Jack’s hold of his hand tighten slightly. “...that night...after she threw me across the Hub.” Ianto didn’t need to elaborate further.
Jack had held Ianto’s gaze. He had been so scared at what he might see there, as it was there was nothing but love, reassurance and a silent request for the truth. Jack gave the slightest of nods before finding his voice.
“ After it threw you across the Hub, things happened and I died. When I came back I was near you, we were alone and although I was sure you were....I had to try...I didn’t think it would work, God knows it never had before, but...I transferred some of the vortex energy – my life-force, into you via the kiss. For the first time ever I felt something, a connection, a spark. I could feel you coming back. Then you came to....I know I should have told you, but in the immediate aftermath you were in no condition to hear it, let alone accept anything I might have said about it, and I was feeling angry and betrayed. I convinced myself that I had got it wrong. That you had merely been unconscious, and it had been the shock of the kiss that had brought you round, not the transfer of any energy from me. Then over time it just got pushed to the back of my mind...”
“ Until today.” As Ianto spoke he noticed a hesitancy from Jack. “ Jack ?”
“ It actually came back to mind the other day, after...but I was too late and ..”
“ Hey, it’s ok.” Ianto cupped Jack’s face with his free hand, raising Jack’s gaze back to his, the Captain having dropped it to their entwined hands as memories of a few days ago had come to mind.
“ But it’s not ok.” Jack hadn’t meant his voice to sound sharp, “ Sorry, it’s just that I’ve inflicted my curse on you. As much as I want you with me I would never have intentionally saddled you with this. To always have to lose those you love and care for. To be looked on as some sort of freak. To never be able to settle anywhere long term, because you’ll look as if you don’t age and people will get suspicious. To never have a normal life. It’s not something I would wish on my worst enemy let alone the man I love.”
“ Jack , this is not your fault. Owen says that there is not enough of your life-force in me to be the reason I came back, and even if there was, I wouldn’t see it as a curse but a gift. A chance for more time with you, whether fleeting or more permanent is something I would grab with both hands and embrace it. Losing those around me I would cope with, I have in the past and I will in the future. As for not settling anywhere, since I was sixteen I’ve moved around, not staying anywhere more than a few years at a time. If others look on me as a freak and they can’t see the uniqueness as special then that’s their problem. As for a normal life, look around you Jack, not sure I’d recognise one if I saw it !” They both smiled, as Ianto continued. “ Jack, I love you. I consider having even a small part of your life-force in me as an honour, and whatever having it in me means we will deal with it. I would assume it got into my system during that kiss, and up until now there has been no indication of it affecting me, so please don’t worry or blame yourself. Nothing is going to change, - well you may have to put up with me abit longer...”
“ That I can handle.” Jack sounded better than he had since before leaving the autopsy bay.
“ Good, because I don’t intend letting you go anytime soon.” Ianto leant forward and placed a chaste kiss to his lovers’ lips. “ We should put Owen and Martha out of their misery and explain how we think the vortex energy got into me.”
“ I suppose so. But not right now.” Jack said as he moved in for another kiss. He really should have realised he had nothing to fear from telling Ianto, and now he had, it felt as if the weight of the World had been lifted from his shoulders.
next chapter: http://jackxianto.livejournal.com/5569660.html#cutid1