Word Count: 607
Summary: Jack and Ianto have fun with pyschic paper.
Notes: Funny little bit of fluff. Comments are appreciated.
“I'm,” the ten foot tall yellow alien sniffed in a way to indicate that whatever he had to say next was the exact opposite of what he felt, “sorry, sirs, but this is an invitation-only event and you do not have an invitation.” Supreme smugness at being right invaded his tone.
Jack just smiled and flashed a card Ianto hadn't seen before.
The alien froze a smile onto its vertical mouth that looked like a backwards C. “This way, sirs. Follow me” He took off at a fast clip with his hoofs clicking on the floor, hoping the humans wouldn't catch up with him, disappointed when they stayed behind him the whole way to the table.
Jack grinned at Ianto across the table when they were alone. “I told you I'd get us in and you doubted me. Ye of little faith, Ianto Jones.”
“How did you get an invitation?” Ianto asked.
“I didn’t. This is psychic paper.” he tossed the card across to Ianto. “Something the Doctor... let's call it let me borrow. It tells the viewer whatever I want it to. Since these creatures have the telepathic capabilities of a soybean, all they see is the invitation.”
Ianto turned the paper over again and again. “But this paper is blank. There's nothing written here.”
“You know that and I know that. But if it gets us VIP service and a free meal, I see no reason why they need to know that.” Jack's grin shot up in wattage to Matinee Idol. “Look at it now.”
Ianto glanced down at the paper, shocked in a way working for Torchwood and traveling with the Doctor really should have burned out of him by now, as words wrote themselves across the card. “Now the paper says that you want to…” The hoped-for blush spread across his face. “Jack! We’re in public!”
“Coupon for later?” Jack chuckled when Ianto closed his eyes to concentrate better and sent the paper back across the table.
Jack read what was newly written. “Ianto Jones, you naughty man.”
“If you sirs are quite finished,” the alien that seated them looked uncomfortable enough that Jack could tell he had seen the words from over Jack's shoulders. He presented them with glass tumblers full of a dark pink liquid. “The first course will be out shortly and the honoured guests should arrive any moment. Please enjoy your meal,” said in a way that spoke of his deep-seated desire for Ianto to choke to death on his salad and for Jack to impale himself on a fork trying to give his boyfriend the Heimlich maneuver.
“See if he gets a tip,” Jack commented. “Next time, we'll go somewhere with better service.”
Ianto smiled and raised his glass to Jack. “To our first diaster-free date. Even if we did have to leave Earth to finally have it.”
Jack's glass was about to clink against Ianto's when there was a chorus of shouts and a large, scaly thing, that Ianto could only classify as a dragon because that was the closest his mind could to come up with to match what his eyes were seeing. knocked over the main table and a few of the guests.
“You jinxed it this time,” Jack said, already reaching for his gun. “Everyone, out the doors. Go now!” He called out in his best boss voice. “I wonder if it's the bride's or the groom's ex?”
Ianto pulled his gun as well. “Can't catch a bloody break,” he grumbled.